I just got my copy of Rebecca Woolf’s book Rockabye:From Wild to Child. I totally recommend it. I started reading it right away and am having a hard time putting it down. She is poignant, honest, and witty. Reading her book is like sitting down with your best girlfriends, a pitcher of margaritas and telling the deepest darkest secrets. It is a must read. Check out her blog and buy her book.
Or twice the crying, whining, tantrum throwing little people? It is now just starting to sink in that in about 5 weeks I will have two little people at home demanding 100% of my attention. It is going to be hard–maybe even harder than if I were giving birth to my second. Why do I assume such things you ask? Well for those who haven’t adopted, our little ones come home with the needs of a new born but the personalities, desires and wants of an older infant. Peepers will be approximately 7 months old when she comes home and her personality will be well forged. She will want to feed and be held like a newborn as this is her first discovery of round the clock “I can have whatever I want now” but will also be her own little person already. She already knows what she likes and doesn’t and I have to figure that out…all the while figuring out what my little toddler wants. I am certainly not saying that being a new mom via birth isn’t difficult it just presents a different set of challenges.
Anyway. How do you go from two to one–especially those of you whom have adopted? I am beginning to worry as Minnow is getting more and more independent but also has moments of “mommy carry me” etc. I worry that I am not prepared for the challenges or that I am honestly approaching how hard this transition will be for all of us. We are preparing Minnow as much as I know how to. We talk about Peepers all the time and he recognizes her picture. I just know he doesn’t quite get it and won’t until she is home and he no longer is the center of our world.
So any adivce on the transition from one to two? Any advice at all will be ingested and respected.
Really, I don’t need your looks and your judgement. Why? Well because he is my kid and I can raise him how I see fit. Just so you now, there isn’t only one way to raise a kid and I am thankful that there isn’t. Why? Well because I want my kid to have fun. Yeah, I said fun. I want him to be a kids and experience childhood to the fullest, because let’s be honest adulthood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. On top of that, my little Minnow only has a few weeks left where he is the center of the universe. He is quickly going to learn that his knowledge of the universe is outdated and based on dreams and fantasy.
I am going to go out on a limb and admit I am not a “perfect” parent. I don’t care if my kid touches something that someone else who has a cold did. I don’t freak out if he finds something on the ground and eats it–of course I would prefer if he ate what I gave him, but sometimes that discarded goldfish is better than what he has. Sorry I don’t freak out but that just isn’t my style.
I let my kid play and run and be a kid. Today, much to the chagrin of you “perfect” moms I let my kid play in one of the fountains at the botanical garden. Sure it was only 65 degrees out and he was completely dress and I am pretty sure the water was recycled water, but you know what he was having fun. So much fun, that he played in that fountain for nearly an hour not caring for one second that he was wet. And to answer your question “perfect” mom, “No, I didn’t have a change of clothes for him.”
I am not a rule follower and I don’t hover over or even near my kid–especially when we are someplace where no real danger lies. I am not neglectful (I pay close attention to him and know where he is) but I do believe that he needs to feel as though he has some control and freedom. So, please keep your rude “Oh my Gawd, I’d never let me child do that” to yourself and save your eye rolling for someone who cares about your opinion. I don’t.
She is officially ours–sadly I think ours was one of the only cases to pass this time around. It feels great, but I am so sad for all of those who didn’t pass as I so remember what that feels like–your heart stops beating and drops into the pit of your stomach. I am hoping that they all pass next time…But now what I know you have all been waiting for–PICTURES
Other Recent Photos
with one of her amazing care givers
Can’t wait to find out when we get to go and meet her…..
Peeper’s court date is today. Will let you know when it is safe to breath again.
Or better know as eating out with your toddler. All of you with two year olds who have only one speed–overdrive–know what I am talking about. This past weekend consisted of two large meals. My entire family took me out for my graduation and it was a blast–of course I spent half of the meal watching Minnow walk up and down the stairs. Have I ever told you all how much Minnow loves stairs? All day long he could walk up and down stairs…It’s a blast in case you were wondering–almost as much fun as blowing bubbles for 2 hours.
And because one long meal wasn’t enough we went to a beautiful brunch on Sunday morning. Minnow is a great kid and he is really good in restaurants (as far as a two-year-old is concerned), but it just isn’t fun or relaxing to go to a long meal and want to sit and relax. Hubby stepped up big during brunch and kept Minnow busy as did my brothers–who are totally awesome. But the bottom line is that it so totally sucks to take an active fun-loving toddler out to a nice meal that doesn’t involve big furry creatures, play places and plastic utensils and plates.
I don’t know why other’s cannot understand and why I cannot say no. I had suggested we have everyone over for my graduation celebration–simply because I didn’t want to have to mess with taking Minnow out and didn’t want to have to deal with getting a babysitter. But family is family and they all wanted to take me out, etc.
So, how do you all deal with going out to eat, enjoying it and taking your toddler who can’t sit still? Wait let me guess–you don’t go out. I now understand why people don’t. I finally have come to understand and see that it just isn’t fun for any of us to do something that Minnow just can’t do. I will miss going out to eat–but will certainly enjoy keeping my eyes away from the sharp hot sticks.
Another year has passed and I am more and more grateful for the gift you have given us in Minnow. I know you would be so proud of the little man he is becoming. He is talking up a storm and some days I can actually make out a few of the words in the flurry he throws at me.
I want you to know that I think of you often and talk about you to Minnow. I know he doesn’t understand now, but someday he will and I want him to know that we love and honor the choice you made. I know the only way to really honor you is by raising him well, and I can say, “so far so good.” I hope you know somewhere in your heart that he is loved and cared for. I wish there was a way to let you know–I send out good thoughts to you always. I like to believe that on some level we are forever connected and that half a world away you can feel my love for Minnow and for you.
I have been thinking about a ritual to honor you that Minnow can partake in. I think we will begin to plant flowers in your honor. Last year I planted tulips for you and sadly this spring wasn’t a good one and they did not come up in their full glory, but they still make me think of you every time I see them.
I am a mother because of you. You not only made yourself a mother–and don’t think that because you are not raising your son that you aren’t a mother–but you graciously, courageously and selflessly made me a mother too. There are not words sufficient to express the gratitude that I hold in my heart for you. I hope you are well and have found peace with your decision. Please know that he is so very loved.
On this day we will say a few words for you and I will tell Minnow the story of the bravest woman in the world–the one who gave Minnow to be our son. Thank you just seems so insufficient a word but I must say it anyway.
Thank you.
Love Minnow’s Mom
Thanks Hubby and Minnow for all of your love and support.
I was tagged by Stacie for this…
I (verb)
I am: graduating today at 2pm with my Master’s Degree in English
I think: our values have become grossly misplaced
I know: that I was meant to be Minnow’s mom
I want: to change countless lives as a teacher
I have:nothing but love for my children’s birthmother where ever they may be
I wish: that racism, prejudice and hatred would all go away
I hate: standardized testing–it makes me question “whose standard”
I miss: my youthful idealism
I fear: that my son and daughter will only be judged by their skin color
I feel:like an impostor
I hear: the love and happiness in my son’s laugh
I smell: fresh flowers
I search: for peace
I wonder: what it will feel like to hold Peepers for the first time
I regret: not respecting myself more when I was younger
I ache:for all the birthmoms who so generously allow us to be the parents of their children
I care: about each of their suffering, sacrifice and gift
I always: look for the good
I am not: cynical
I believe: that everything happens the way it is meant to
I dance: as though I was dropped as a young child
I sing: very loudly and very badly
I cry: during intense emotional moments on TV
I don’t always: do what I should do
I fight: for the equality this world deserves
I write: because it is part of me
I win: when I am honest
I lose: when I am not
I never: to take life, my family, my husband or children for granted
I confuse: easily when I am tired
I listen: to Minnow’s laughter and smile
I can usually be found: in front of the computer or playing games with Minnow
I am afraid of: of letting down those that I love
I need: to be a better wife
I am happy about: finishing this stage of my life and education
If you read this consider yourself tagged–don’t forget to post a comment and a link to your list when you are done…I want to know who you are.
